I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize