yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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