We need to start having sex underwater more often.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Pants are for mortals
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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