what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize