I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
