the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
