so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
