That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
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