So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
