Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
