She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
