i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
