I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
