btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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