Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I will die if light touches me.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
