She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
