Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
