I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
