Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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