it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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