Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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