Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I'm having to shit out rocks
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
