ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
