I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
