I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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