I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
