i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
