my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
