Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
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