Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
