well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
