I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
