I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize