Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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