That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
