He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize