she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
