I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize