last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
