It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
