Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
