So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
