She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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