she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
