It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
