PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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