How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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