I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
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