dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
