Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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