he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
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