Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
