just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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