I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
