out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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