Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Randomize
