On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
