laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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