wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
