i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
