how hairy? two words: wookie tits
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
