Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
