An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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