Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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