i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize